Thoughts on Mental Illness

 This is on my facebook notes, today I ran across a situation and it reminded me that I had written this and wanted to share it on here:


We like to think we are in control of ourselves. We like to think that we control the thoughts in our minds and our perceptions of the world around us. It gives us comfort to assume we can “talk ourselves” out of bad feelings or that “positive thinking” can turn our lives around. It all comes back around to the idea that our minds belong to us and we decide what to do with them.  The thought that our mind is a series of electrical impulses and carefully balanced chemical reactions, which could be thrown off by something as simple as a bump on the head, is just too scary to fathom. We don’t like the notion that we could “lose our minds”, as if they were ever really ours to begin with. Perhaps this is why we shun those who are unfortunate enough to suffer with diseases that rob them of the illusion of control we value so much.
                A successful artist, with such a love for others that he volunteers as an art teacher for troubled youth and patiently teaches them to love and embrace the good things in life, gets into a automobile accident. During the accident he receives a blow to his head damaging his frontal cortex. As he recovers he is no longer able to create works of art, he has a hard time forming a concept for a painting, much less putting it on canvas. He frequently destroys his art supplies in fits of rage and frustration and he was asked to step down from his volunteer position because he made lewd comments to the female youth and was often incoherent and confusing when trying to give instruction. He is shunned by his friends who now think he is impulsive and rude and no longer has a way to make a living. His life and personality were changed by one fateful blow to the brain.
       Imagine now that it wasn’t a car accident that damaged this artist’s brain, imagine it was a slow insidious change in personality. This is the way many mental illnesses attack the brain. Instead of a jarring blow there are neurotransmitters and chemicals thrown out of whack. It is hard to try to imagine how it would feel, but in order to understand the disease we must try. At first, your senses may begin to change, you notice things becoming brighter, and perhaps they even begin to glow. You feel euphoric and enlightened and with every sensation around seemingly so amplified you feel this must be something divine. You feel an intense need to share this message of love and divinity with everyone you see.  God is sending you a message, what else could it be? Other people don’t seem to believe you and you hear an audible voice tell you that they are demonic and there to prevent you from spreading your message. You mistake their confused and concerned stares for menacing ones and begin to suspect they are planning something. You hear the hushed whispers about finding you help and assume it is a plot to poison you. That is what the now ever present voice in your head screams at you every day. You stop eating and take your family’s insistence that you eat something as more evidence that they are trying to hurt you. Eventually the voices began to tell you that there are cameras everywhere. You see them too, the once harmless blinking light on your radio, how could you have not noticed that it was obviously a camera watching you? You feel duped and betrayed. You vow to trust no one. You go through the house and smash all the electronic devices. This will teach them that they can’t outsmart you! When your family finally calls the police to have you taken to get help your every suspicion is confirmed. They were plotting against you and now they have gotten you. You are terrified; the voices are telling you that if you don’t get away they will hurt you so you fight with all your might.
     There are millions of people who go through ordeals like this every day. They are of all ages, socioeconomic statuses, and levels of intelligence.  The sad and scary fact is that in a lot of mental illnesses; reasoning ability and insight is the first executive function to go, leaving you vunerable to the illogical whims of a diseased mind. We squirm at the thought that we could one day wake up and truly believe we are the Messiah. It is a function of your brain that allows you to logically process the evidence that you are not.  We are all potentially a few imbalanced chemicals away from a psychotic state. It is for this reason that I argue for understanding and empathy for those suffering with mental illness.  No one would make the conscious choice to feel that way, to believe bizarre things, or behave in embarrassing ways, or to be thought of as lazy because there is no energy or drive there to get them out of bed. If there was a way to “think differently” and make it all go away those of us with mental illness would gladly think of puppies and beaches all day long and snap out of it. It doesn’t work that way. I want to quote a close family member of mine who suffers with a schizo affective disorder. He describes a time of deep depression where his friend suggested he try to get out of the house and do something he liked doing to make himself “feel better” He said “I don’t think she understands that that is precisely what is broken. My ability to feel anything but empty has been taken away, and a walk in the park won’t bring it back. It’s in my head, it’s like if you lost both your legs and someone said ‘you used to love to run, maybe running will make you happy’ you can’t when your legs are gone. I can’t when that part of my brain is messed up. There’s nothing anyone can do but take meds and pray it works.”
    I hope someday people will try to understand mental illness. I hope we can jump into this century and rid of ourselves of the archaic notion that these diseases are the product of bad parenting or demonic forces. I hope we can view mental illness the same as we do any other biological ailment and stop placing blame. I hope those of us who suffer from these diseases can seek help in the light of day instead of trying to hide in the shadows, afraid of the stigma it carries and the jobs and friends we might lose. If enough people stand up and shed the shame and allow the world to see that the stereotypes are false, maybe change will happen in my lifetime.